Self-Esteem 

If you had a critical, neglectful, or abusive parents, you probably started life with low self-esteem. But after age 4 or 5 another factor comes into play that determines your adult self-worth.

For years social scientists have debated causes and effects. Does academic success raise self-esteem or does high self-esteem lead to academic success?  Does high social status cause high self-worth, or does high self-worth help you gain high social status?

These classic cause-and-effect questions miss the main point: It’s not the facts of your life that determine how you feel about yourself.  It’s which facts you choose to think about and believe.

The key to raising your self-esteem is really that simple: you change how you feel about yourself by changing how you think about yourself.  Simple doesn’t mean easy or quick. You won’t change the mental habits of a lifetime in the time it takes to read this page.  But you can start right now.

Setting and achieving goals can give a big boost to your self-esteem. The self-esteem boosts you get from achieving small goals will give you the confidence you need to set and accomplish bigger, more long-term goals.

You can redefine your self-image and make important changes in your life through the simple steps of relaxing your body, clearing your mind of distractions and imagining positive scenes.

“Learning is really about translating KNOWING what to do into DOING what we know. It’s about changing!”

Judie conducts workshops for the Science of Mind Center in Boca Raton and at the Broward Outreach Center in Pompano.

Some of the topics discussed are:
The Three faces of Low Self-Esteem:  The Imposter, The Rebel, and The Loser.
Consequences of Low Self-Esteem, What does your “Inner Critic” say?
Three steps to Better Self-Esteem
Causes and effects of Self-Esteem
Three Steps to Handling Mistakes

Inquire about when the next workshop is scheduled at judiemitchell@bellsouth.net

Mistakes are inevitable. Since you can’t avoid them entirely, you need to learn how to handle them, as this greatly determines their effect on your self-esteem.  If you handle mistakes poorly, they can become devastating failures, world-shattering calamities, and carefully hoarded evidence of your low worth.

Three steps to take when you begin the downward slide into self-blame over your mistakes.

The first step is to realize that everyone makes mistakes. That’s because mistakes are an unavoidable byproduct of trying anything new. Why is it that even good and admirable people make mistakes? It’s because they didn’t recognize their decision as a mistake at the time they made it. They didn’t fully realize the consequences of their act. Like anyone else, they could not predict with perfect accuracy the effects of a current decision on future experience.

The second step is to recognize the inevitability of your own mistakes.  Make a list of your 10 biggest mistakes that have had the most impact on your life. Try hard to remember your thoughts and feelings right before the act.  Did you know what would happen? Now try to remember the need that pushed you into the decision. Now here is the most important question: if you were to return to that time, with the SAME needs, perceptions, and predictions of future outcomes, would you act differently?

The third step is to forgive yourself. You deserve forgiveness for your mistakes, no matter how painful the consequences. WHY? Because you made the only decision you could make, given your needs and awareness at the time.  Because you have already paid for your mistakes. It’s impossible to learn without mistakes, and because the learning process continues your entire life.